Pushing from behind, a trick of the devil
1. You don’t fast enough. This unclean thought appeared when I decided to keep all the fasts ordained by the Orthodox Church: the fast on Wednesdays and Fridays, and the 4 great fasts during the year. In addition to the fact that the devil tried to push me to keep Monday, even though it was beyond my strength, he also tried to make me starve, so that while I was fasting, I could no longer carry out my daily tasks. Keep in mind that discernment is needed in all decisions we make regarding fasting, because it should not be done by force but voluntarily and out of love for God and for our spiritual growth.
2. You do not pray enough. The daily rule must be established with the spiritual father. If he does not impose a certain rule, as was my case, I tried slowly, with the help of the Lord, to reach a certain rule that I would do when I was alone, away from the eyes of others (this is how I feel). Even so, this thought, that I don't pray enough, I still have, but I try to fight it, knowing that God does not rebuke to fall into despair, as I feel most of the time, but does it with love, His rebuke trying to correct you and not to knock you down.
3. You don't go to church enough. As in the case of the prayer rule, going to church is imperatively necessary for our spiritual steadfastness or ascent. As in the case of prayer, if you can't go to church every Sunday and on holidays, it is recommended to consult with your spiritual father, then listen and follow his advice. In my case, I try my best to go to church once every 2 weeks, because this was the advice I received from my spiritual father. Although I feel that I would like to go more often, I know that at the moment it is not possible and I try not to exceed the limit, because this feeling can be deceptive, like the other extremes.
4. You don’t do enough charity. How many times have I suffered (and still do) from this thought. Whenever I have tried or am trying to do a good deed, there is someone there who tells me that I am not doing enough, that I need to help more, to give more, so much that there is nothing left for my family. Nothing could be more wrong. As with the other two temptations, this time it is the work of the devil, the unscrupulous liar, who tries his best to give us more to do than we can handle. God does not force anyone to do anything, including charity, but he still expects us to do it out of love for Him and for our neighbor. Charity is one of the beatitudes: “Blessed are the merciful, for they will obtain mercy,” so if we want to be merciful, we must do charity, but not forcefully (perhaps at first, when you have to learn and gain experience).
5. You don't work enough. We, Christians, must be people of our word and of trust, both in the small and the large family, with other people, but also at work. The devil constantly tries to instill in me the fact that I don't work enough, making me invest more time in work, and implicitly in my mental/physical fatigue. No! I have found a balance when it comes to the workplace, a balance that I try not to exceed in any way so as not to reach extremes.
6. You are no good at anything, in general. This is another perfidious thought. It should not be taken into account, because certainly everything that is negative is not from God, but from the father of lies, division and despair.
Here is a story told by Saint Cleopas Ilias, about a monk awakened to prayer by an angel, who comes to reinforce the fact that we must never exceed the limits imposed on us.
In the evening, when a monk wanted to go to bed, an angel entered his cell, so bright that it took his eyes. And when he entered, he also came with a good fragrance, to say that it was from the Holy Spirit. He did not urge him to do evil, but only said to him: “Get up, servant of God, to your prayer and rule!” And he said: “I have made my prayer.” But the angel said: “No. Pray again.” “I have made my rule.” And he said: “Do you not know what the Apostle Paul says: Pray without ceasing?” And when he wanted to go to bed, he woke him up again. If the man did not sleep, he would be troubled. The angel did not let him rest. And he kept him awake for about three months.
And the monk said: “How can I not pray, if the angel of the Lord comes, because so says the Holy Apostle Paul!”
While he was thus troubled, he grew weak and fell ill. And he met an old hermit, because in the desert of Egypt there were thousands of hermits, disciples of Saint Anthony the Great. The old man saw him so weak and troubled and said to him:
– What is the matter, brother? How are you doing?
– Father, I am doing well.
It was a word of pride. But a man must humbly say that he is not doing anything good.
– How well? says the father.
– Father, with God’s help, for three months now the angel has been waking me up to prayer!
– And how does he wake you up?
– When I go to bed, he comes next to me, wakes me up to prayer and prays with me too!
– Be careful, brother, that that is not the angel of the Lord. That is Satan, who is waiting for you!
– But how, father? I see that since I get up I am sick and troubled and I never have the humility to harden my heart...
– Here is what you should do. When he comes to wake you up for prayer, say: “I do not want to wake up now, but when the time comes, at midnight. Then I will wake up. Do not wake me up.”
If he tells you that he is the angel of the Lord, tell him: “I am a sinful man and I am not worthy for angels to wake me up!” The devil, when he hears of humility, flees. He does not want you to say that you are a sinful man, because he fell out of pride. So, tell him this: “I am a sinful man, unworthy to be raised by angels. When I want, I will rise; when I don’t, I will sleep. Don’t come to me anymore!”
And the monk went home in the evening and as soon as he arrived, he went to bed. And that angel came and said to him:
– Get up, servant of God, to your prayer and rule!
– I will not get up!
– Why?
– When I want, I will get up, not when you want!
– You cursed monk, you went to that old man, who is a lying and hypocritical monk. He taught you not to listen to me anymore! But that monk is a lover of money. Because a poor man came to him and asked him for a penny, and he said he had none. And yet he has three pieces of silver on a window. He has three coins and he keeps them in a book on the window. And he said to the poor man that he has no money.
Then he became invisible. But the monk said:
– You accursed devil, I see now that you are the father of lies!
Then the old man met the monk. He was a seer. And he said to the monk:
– Didn’t he tell you that I had three coins on the window? I did, but a drunkard came, who only does harm; I saw him drunk and I knew that a poor woman would come the next day and I kept the money to give to that troublemaker, not to the drunkard. But you pay attention, brother, that I know what he told you about me, that I am a lover of money, a hypocrite and a liar. So don't listen to him anymore, he's leading you to destruction, even if he wakes you up to prayer.
From that day on, the angel of hell didn't come anymore, because he saw that the monk was angry with him.
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