I was depressed, but I won.

It has been almost 5 years since God revealed Himself to me in an absolutely wonderful way. In all these years, I have gone through indescribable states, both good and less good, but with God's help, I managed to get through it all.

Unfortunately, about 6 months after the fateful day when God showed me that He is alive and present in my life, I began to slowly sink into a chronic depression. It all started with an indescribable hunger to learn more about what I had experienced, felt, tasted, but having no one around me to guide me to this end, I slipped alone into a shadow cone, from which I hardly managed to emerge.

If it were not for God in my life, I would not be here today to write this new page, so I give Him glory for everything He has done with me over the past few years.

I was saying that I went through chronic depression. For those of you who don't know what that means, here are some of the symptoms of this terrible disease:

  • A constant low mood;
  • Feelings of helplessness;
  • Lack of hope for the future;
  • Low self-esteem;
  • Frequent crying;
  • Feelings of guilt;
  • Irritability;
  • Intolerance towards others;
  • Lack of motivation;
  • Lack of interest in various things;
  • Difficulty making decisions;
  • Lack of joy in life;
  • Constant feeling of anxiety;
  • Thoughts of suicide and physical harm;
  • Slow movements and slow/slow speech;
  • Changes in appetite;
  • Weight loss or, very rarely, weight gain;
  • Constipation;
  • Headaches;
  • Dizziness;
  • Muscle and/or joint pain;
  • Lack of energy;
  • Low libido;
  • Abnormal menstrual cycles;
  • Sleep problems;
  • Avoiding contact with family/friends;
  • Neglecting passions or hobbies;
  • Difficulty in completing tasks related to work or home.
Almost everything stipulated above has been experienced by me to the greatest possible extent.

Who and what saved me?

I confess with the utmost sincerity and in the fullness of my mental faculties that the only ones who were with me 100% were the Lord Jesus Christ, the Mother of God, and all the saints and heavenly angels. Of course, I also had people with me, through whom God worked, and without whom I would not have achieved certain periods of this illness. But, in my daily life, hour by hour, second by second, the only ones who helped me unconditionally were God and the heavenly powers, always reminding me that everything will be fine.

As you have read in the symptoms above, depression also comes with negative thoughts, which can lead to suicide. In my case, these thoughts were cruel. For about 3 years, they did not let me live for a second, so I had to fight against them with the help of the Lord, through the sacraments of the Church of God.

What do I mean by this?

At some point, while experiencing this depression, I understood that I had to obey those around me: my spiritual father, my wife, my parents, my friends, etc. So, I started to accept everything that was suggested to me by those around me: to go to a psychologist and a psychiatrist (and to take the prescribed medication regularly), to listen to my spiritual father and confess and receive communion often, to keep the fasts ordained by the Church, to pray to God daily, to attend the holy sacraments of the Church: Holy Unction and Holy Mass (at least once every 2 weeks), to do sports (although the idea of ​​doing sports has taken root quite hard in my habits), to try to socialize more (although the work I do does not help me in this regard: working from home I do not have enough socialization as I would like), etc.

I also decided to fight against negativity in general, both at the level of thoughts, but also of bad habits acquired throughout life. At the level of thoughts, I fought a battle similar to that waged by monks, using the power of God's grace and calling upon Him for help with the well-known prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

All these weapons that I used against the symptoms that I had for about 4 years, bore fruit in time and brought me back to a normal path, in which I can say that I can more or less face the challenges of the day again.

I thank God for everything He has done in my life, and I pray to Him that none of you will taste this bitter disease called depression. If you do, never despair because everything will be fine as long as we call upon Him and have God in our lives.

God help us!

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