How I healed myself from the fear of death – mature discussions with a child who "lived" in the oncology ward

I was a mother on the verge of losing my child. At 2 years and 3 months, my little girl had a tumor that doctors considered extremely aggressive and deadly. It turned out that the power of God is above medical statistics, and my child is healed without allopathic treatment and by God's will.

Of course, from the very beginning, she understood my fear of loss, and later the discussions about death, about God, about what is here and what is beyond appeared. She is now 4 and a half years old. One of the evenings, she asked me how my father died, how my grandparents died, and who else is gone there. We discussed her little brother, who also went to God when he was 2 years old (he is not my son, but her father's son with another mother). After analyzing how many people we are here on Earth and how many have gone to God, he said to me seriously and thoughtfully, “Mom, do you know that our family in Heaven is bigger than our family here?” We talk about death as a natural event of life, we talk about death as a threshold that takes us to the Heavenly Father if we are good, loving, and honest. We talk about death without fear, without sadness.

Sometimes, he asks me: “If you die, will you stay near the gates of Heaven, so that I can find you quickly when I get there?” Or: “Mom, if you die, will I miss you very much? How will I be able to resist missing you?” And I consider these discussions extremely mature for a 4 and a half year old child!

Of course, any child who lies on a hospital bed – and especially in an oncology ward – matures overnight. But this experience cured me of the fear of death.

With the fear of God I tell you that I lived the day when I thought I was a selfish mother, because I was afraid of my terrible and devastating emotion of sadness due to a possible loss (as things looked then), I was afraid of the longing that could have come and that I could not endure. But the 2-year-old child gone to God after being given weekly communion since baptism, after not having had any sin, would have been a saved child. And, then, I realized that between my mother's pain and her salvation, between my comfort of having her by my side for a long time, but the possibility that she would grow up and commit many sins, I would have preferred my pain and her salvation!

Then I understood that, before she was my child, she was God's child – and He sent her to me as the most valuable gift of Life! Thus, I became more responsible than I was to take care to educate her with great love for God, with a knowledge of his faith (not just as a tradition, which is why I became a student of Theology).

Now, our lives are different, and family life has changed. I understood that God chose us to set us straight, to correct our mistakes, to help us find a better path in life!

God works beautifully in the world through the face of His children!

With all gratitude and appreciation,

Alexandra, a Christian mother