Humility in action, not just in words
– It is easy to blame yourself, but it is difficult to accept the accusations of others. You can say to yourself: “I am worthy of weeping, I am the most sinful, the worst of all,” but not be able to bear a word from another. You see, when someone falls alone and hits himself, it may hurt him, but he does not attach much importance to it. Or when someone he loves hits him, he says: “Oh, it does not matter.” But if someone he does not like scratches him or pushes him a little, then look! He will start screaming, pretending that it hurts him, that he cannot walk.
While I was at Sinai, there was also a layman there – named Evstratius – who, if you called him “Mr. Evstratius!”, would say: “Say Evstratius the sinner, Evstratius the sinner”. Everyone said, “How humble he is!”. One morning, he lost sleep and did not go to Church. So someone went to wake him up. “Evstratius, are you still sleeping? The Psalms of Matins are over. Are you not coming to Church?”. Then he started shouting… “I have more piety than you and have you come to tell me to go down to Church?” He was acting like a madman… He got so far that he took the key to the door – it was one of those big keys – to hit him, because he felt offended. The others who heard him shout like that were stunned, because they had him as an example, considering him very humble. And so he made a fool of himself. Did you see? He himself said that he was a sinner, but as soon as he was wounded in his selfishness, he became like a beast.
Another had repaired a Church in Epirus, and himself said about himself that he had done nothing special. But when I told him, “It’s nothing at all. You’ve done something,” do you know how angry he got? “You would have repaired the Church better?” he asked me. I know how to build, I’m not a carpenter like you! My father had a construction company!” I mean, it’s easy to appear humble, but that doesn’t mean that you actually have humility.
– Elder, but what is authentic humility?
– You have true humility when the other humbles you, and you receive, for true humility is humility in deed, not in word. Saint Cosmas the Aetolian once asked the people who had gathered around him: “Who among you is not proud?”. “Me,” one replies. “Come here, you who are not proud! Cut off half of your mustache and go to the market!”. “Well, I can’t do that!”, the other replied. “Well, then you have no humility”[1], the Saint said to him. That is, he wanted to say that humility in deed is needed.
– When others bother me, I retaliate.
– You retaliate because you have no humility. Have you seen how much humility Abba Moses the Ethiopian had? When they made him a priest, the archbishop wanted to test him, and so he told the priests, “When Abba Moses enters the Altar, drive him away, and then follow him to hear what he says.” So, as soon as Abba Moses entered the Altar, they drove him away, saying: “Arap, what are you doing here?” “They are right,” he said to himself. “What business do I have here, the dark one? These are Angels”[2]. He was not disturbed or angry.
– Elder, is it possible for someone to be meek and not retaliate when others insult him, but not to have humility?
– The humble man is also meek. However, this does not mean that all meek people are also humble. Gentleness must also have humility, for if it is not there, someone may appear gentle on the outside, but inside he may be full of pride and say: “These people are sick in the head! Let them speak!” Just like that monk whom the Fathers saw not retaliating at all when they made remarks or rebuked him, but, despite this, his life as a whole did not convince them. That is why they once asked him: “When we argue with you, what is your intention that you do not speak?” And he answered them: “I say to myself: ‘Leave them alone! They are fools!’” That is, he despised them.
[1] See the Life of Saint Cosmas the Aetolian.
[2] See the Egyptian Patericon, Abba Moses, p. 4
Saint Paisios the Athonite
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